I know, I know…here I call myself Deacon Blue, mention how I’ll be hitting touchy topics, and so far I’ll I’ve done mostly is call people out for narrow-mindedness.

Ooooo, how racy.

Well, I never said I’d be a non-stop, one-stop-shopping place for juicy, racy, raw stuff, but here we come, finally, to some sex. About damn time, too.

Before I start opening myself up to threats of violence and flame wars for specific stuff like homosexuality, abortion and more, let’s start general. I’m probably already taking enough of a chance with the photo I’m using today. The Christian Coalition could be on my doorstep any second now to haul me away.

So, let’s ask the question: Does God really give a shit what we do in the bedroom? Or, for that matter, on the kitchen counter, in the back of the SUV, in the bushes at the back of the public park, or in a large vat full of cherry Jell-O?

Well, yes. And, no.

How’s that for commitment? But seriously, there is an answer. Let’s start with sex itself. Did God create sex simply for procreation? Um, a big “no” on that one. Folks, God is not in the game of making things enjoyable and tantalizing simply for the sake of trying to get us to fuck ourselves up. It’s true that many sinful things are tantalizing, but sex itself is not made to be a trap for us. God made sex to be enjoyed. He made it so that it could be a deep bonding (or even bondage) experience for couples. He also made it for making babies.

If he only wanted us to be fruitful and multiply, God would have either given us mating seasons like the animals have or He would have made it a sin not to have kids or something like that (and I defy anyone to show me a Bible passage that says you have to have kids). If you want some evidence that the Bible supports the enjoyment of sex, here are some tidbits:

Proverbs chapter 5, verses 18-19

Let thy well-spring be blessed, and get thy joy from the wife of thy youth. A loving hind! a graceful doe! Let her bosom content thee at all times and in her love mayst thou stray evermore.

OK, a little flowery, and I used one of the older translations, but damn, that’s pretty sexy in a Hallmark card/Harlequin romance kinda way.

First Corinthians chapter 7, verses 3-5

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time…

In other words, once we marry, we are supposed to both give and take when it comes to the enjoyment of our bodies. Yes, we have the right to say “no” but overall, we are supposed to relish in the chance to bond with each other sexually.

And here’s the capper, as far as I’m concerned, and will make those of you with more…um, exotic…tastes feel better:

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

I prefer the King James Bible version on this one that I use above, mostly because with more modern translations, people tend to skew it more fully toward the meaning that sex is OK among married people, while glossing over the “undefiled bed” part of things. Yes, part of the undefiled bed business is that you remain faithful to your spouse. But the other part is that pretty much whatever two consenting adult married folks do to each other is OK. Consenting, remember? Neither husband nor wife can force an act on the other person with justification. For more on that consent issue and the Bible’s view on the wrongness of abuse, see Ephesians chapter 5, verses 28 and 29 (“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church.”) This talks about men, but as with so many things in the Bible, it really applies to both genders.

But within the bounds of consent—let ‘er rip! You want to wear black leather boots and a red latex bustier and bring the vibrator along for the ride? Go for it! You like a little riding crop across the ass? More power to ya! You think having a French silk pie mashed between your privates sounds cool? Go for it, but please put some plastic on top of your bed so you don’t ruin those sheets. Think a sheep sounds cool…

Whoa! OK, we have to draw a line there on that last one. Last time I checked, animals were living creatures that lack the ability to give consent. Also, the Bible is really, really clear that men aren’t supposed to lie down with animals, particularly in one passage. In fact, it’s so clear that a couple lines later, the same passage also notes that women also aren’t supposed to “do the do” with beasts. What’s funny is in that same passage of scripture, men are admonished not to have sex with other men yet that no-same-sex sentiment isn’t repeated for the women (one of those confusing bits in the Bible), but we’ll talk about gay/lesbian/bi/transgender stuff in more detail some other day.

Also, get that ménage à trois, foursome and moresome stuff out of your head. Not that I don’t appreciate the entertainment potential for such bedplay, but that involves issues like fornication and adultery (even if the two married folks want to claim Biblical immunity, they’d be encouraging the third person (and fourth, and so on…) to commit two sins, and that ain’t cool).

Now, I’ve been hitting the married couple thing heavily here, and there’s a reason: Sex outside of marriage isn’t biblically defended. That said, premarital sex (a.k.a fornication) is one of those sins, much like lying, coveting and not honoring our parents (to name just a few) that the vast majority seem pretty much doomed to commit. It ain’t right to do it, but it ain’t the only sin we go bonkers over. And I can guarantee that at least 3 out of every 4 preachers who lambast people for fornication have had premarital sex themselves, even if it was only with the women they eventually married. And the other 1 out of 4 probably dreamed and jacked off about the idea of it so much that they might as well have just gone and done it.

(Photo from www.anvari.org)