I think we need to consider the very real possibility that there is only one way to restore sanity to this nation and ensure its survival.

1. We need to immediately evacuate liberals and moderates from Texas and a few of the more batshit crazy Southern states.
2. We need to forcibly move every member of the Tea Party and about half of the people who consistently vote Republican to those very same states.
3. We need to allow…nay, force those now blood-red states to secede from the United States.

A very tall and very long and winding wall with barbed wire might be called for, too, but I’m willing to concede that might be going too far.