Tag Archives: armageddon

Post-Rapture Wrap-Up

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So, as you might have all assumed, May 21 passed and the followers of Harold Camping turned out to be wrong that the Rapture was coming that day.

Well, you’d be wrong!

Hah! I’m in Heaven right now tweeting while Jesus checks out some movies on Netflix, and I’m thumbing my nose at you because the Apocalypse is soon to start. And I bet you haven’t seen much of Kirk Cameron, either! He’s right here next to me, talking to God about how wonderful bananas are (bananas being the “atheist’s nightmare”)!

OK, yeah, you caught me lying.

I wasn’t raptured, and now for that lie and for making fun of Kirk Cameron, I never will be. *SadProgressiveChristianPanda*

I’m still really busy in life, mostly re-engaging with Mrs. Blue in some most amazing ways and also with Little Girl Blue in very different but also amazing ways. So, I don’t have any huge thought-provoking posts in me. And so, while I realize that the whole “ridicule the rapture” thing from last week is probably already at the “jumping the shark” stage, I’m going to be lazy and leave you with a series of some of my Rapture-related tweets over the past few days about the whole Rapture Debacle, in chronological order from oldest to newest:

I’ll probably only be raptured if I cancel my Saturday plans & stay home to repent nonstop

Don’t worry, there’s no cellulite in Heaven (which is good, considering there are apparently no clothes, either)

Dear Rapture Predictors: IF there is going to be an actual Rapture (& it’s not simply symbolism in Bible), you will NOT have advance warning

Rapture called off, everyone!…back to your regularly scheduled human failings, foibles and outright deviancy…

At roughly 1:40 a.m. EST on 5/21/2011, I experienced rapture, but I don’t think it was the kind the twenty-firsters were predicting.

Special today at Starbucks until 6 pm PST: The fraptureccino !

Understand, of course, the fraptureccino isn’t for everyone: coffee, mocha cream base, caramel syrup, blood, wormwood, small bits o brimstone

Unless media has finally tracked him down, I’m assuming Camping, given his silence, has been raptured to Barbados with flock’s $$$

Now that the rapture is old news I wanna move on to next order of business: Our new reptilian overlords, soon to arrive from Alpha Centauri

The only post-Rapture wrap-up I care to pass along (wish I’d written it) http://www.caffeinatedpriest.com/2011/05/whats-not-left-behind.html

Rushing God

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We don’t like to wait on God. Not one little bit.

We bitch and moan that if God were truly loving (or if He really existed at all), He wouldn’t make us wait for things like prosperity, peace, justice, love or anything else.

I’ve always put it down to a “me first” attitude of hypocrisy. That is, what I want is so clearly more important than what you want (or God wants), so God should be meeting my needs and wants first. It’s all selfishness because, let’s face it, if everyone got what they wanted, you’d have people with competing and frankly incompatible desires both getting what they want. That could be impossible in some cases, and damaging in many others.

But it never worried me much, this attitude of trying to rush God. To browbeat and beg and push for Him to give us what we want faster.

At least not until I started getting a better sense of churches, like one that Sarah Palin either still does, or recently did, attend. No, I’m not out to bash the great moosehunting savior of humanity with the naughty librarian look (Ooops, guess I did bash a little there); it’s just that her associations with such folks have brought up a whole End Times Christian subculture to which I had previously pretty ignorant of.

These are people who seem to consider it their duty to push along events so that the End Times (the Rapture, Apocalypse, Armageddon, the Millennial Kingdom, and all that) will come sooner. They seem to think that whatever they do is OK as long as it makes the End Times come quicker.

This stuns me.

The sheer arrogance that they won’t wait on God’s timetable but instead see themselves as soldiers to move events along, is staggering.

Why would Christians want to have a hand in all the vileness that comes about with the End Times? Why would we want to have any culpability in that? Why would be want to have our hands in affairs that are supposed to be perpetuated by the enemies of God and Christ?

And furthermore, why the hell can’t we just wait?

God clearly has things well in hand. He doesn’t need our help. We have a duty already, and that is to spread the Gospel. Not to accelerate the timetable toward the end of the world. Frankly, to be working to speed up the path toward the End Times is actually counter to the Great Commission. We are supposed to reach as many people as we can with the good news of the Gospel so that more people can come to Jesus.

To make the End Times come faster means you would purposefully be working toward reducing the chances of people to be saved.

This is so against the Word of God that it’s one of the few things I can truly say I think is outright heresy. These people are heretics. In fact, they may even be committing the one unforgivable sin, which is sinning against the Holy Spirit. Because what they are doing is seeking damnation for millions (really, billions)  and they are telling God: “You aren’t moving fast enough.”

This is a kind of hubris I cannot even wrap my brain around.

God help these people. God help us, too, and preserve us from these people.

UPDATE 10/13/2008:

Kellybelle made note of this blog post in one of her own; wanted to provide a link to hers since it expands on my thoughts nicely, as well as giving a nice quick overview of Religulous, which I’ve mentioned a few times recently around here. Click here to get to Kellybelle’s post.

Two-fer Tuesday: Rapture by Miz Pink

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Sarah Palin worries me. She worries me on so many levels my head hurts to think about her. I know so many of my fellow left-wingers have really harped on how unprepared this woman is for the job, how ignorant she is of world affairs, how she brings things down to the lowest base crap and adds nothing of value.

What worries me is what I read in an article on Salon:

Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. “She looked in my eyes and said, ‘Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'”

Deke is talking today about why the fascination with the Rapture and End of Days is so wrong but I’m gonna take a different path. I don’t think that someone who is convinced the end of the world is near should be in charge of our nuclear (or as Sarah would say, “Nuke-yoo-lar”) arsenal. And make no mistake she very well could be if McCain and her get elected. McCain is old. Acturial tables say he stands a good one in three chance of dying in office. His father and grandfather checked out early. He’s had cancer before. He has anger issues, and stress often leads to early death.

I’m not afraid that the end times are near. They might be they might not be but it doesn’t matter in my life. I’m already living under Jesus’ grace so whenever they come, I’m ready.

But there are scary people in the end times crowd who think it might be their duty to help usher along the end of days. They seem to think that if we can help push things along and get the kingdom of heaven here on earth sooner all will be well.

It’s scary first of all that they think God needs or wants their help. It’s also pretty arrogant to think that they can push up God’s schedule. It’s also scary to think that they think its their destiny to play a role and whatever they do consciously to help move civilization to the brink is okay because it was probably part of God’s plan for them to do that anyway.

Sarah Palin, thinking in the back of her mind that she will see Jesus return in her lifetime means that she stands a good chance, consciously or subconsciously, of doing stuff to piss off world leaders, start wars and do other stuff to rock the boat with the notion that she can help move along the timetable and get the Antichrist to show up so that Jesus can show up so we believers can all be raptured up to heaven (even though the Bible is pretty unclear on what exactly the rapture is. I don’t really want it rushed because maybe it doesn’t mean we believers get whisked away. Maybe we have to live through the hell one earth scenario with everyone else).

Sarah is convinced that an event people have been predicting will happen really soon for the past 2,000 years will really finally happen in her lifetime. She could be in a position to try to “help” that come to pass. More so than any of the other wackos who follow her line of thought.

I don’t want that. You see, Sarah’s been pregnant a few times, just like me. She should know about false labor. You feel like you’re going to give birth, you head to the hospital and they shake their heads and say go back home.

False labor is bad enough.

I don’t want a false apocalypse before the real scheduled one arrives.