Me: Sweetie, did you wash your entire body?
Me: That just seemed like an awfully quick bath.
Daughter: (exaggerated indignation) Are you calling me a liar?!
Me: Let’s just say I’m questioning your attention to detail.
Daughter: (imperious tone) How DARE you!
Me: I dare to do a lot of things. I’m the daddy.
Daughter: You do not command ME!
Me: That’s a matter of opinion.
Daughter: I am a queen and I command YOU.
Me: You are not the queen around here.
Daughter: You’re right; I’m the princess, and I still rule over you.
(Laughter from wife in the other room)
Me: I think not.
Daughter: You have offended me and I sentence you to 10 years detention in my dungeon, where you will do very hard math problems and if you can’t solve them you will have to do drawings that are very, very nice or you will be in the dungeon for TWENTY YEARS!
Me: Good luck with that. You have no minions. All you have are stuffed animals, action figures and dolls and I can take them.