On the Lighter Side…a Pedestrian Rant

And no, I don’t mean “pedestrian” in terms of being a common, run-of-the-mill rant. I mean I need to rant about pedestrians. In this case, Maine pedestrians, who are the worst I’ve ever encountered in the process of living in five different states in my life (not counting Minnesota, because I only spent the first 3.5 years of my life there and have hardly ever driven there when on visits).

People of Maine, I want to give you some tips about crossing the street:

When you are crossing the street and cars are waiting for you to finish doing so (particularly when you a jay-walking), kindly walk straight across the street. Y’know…a 90-degree right angle from the curb. Stop walking at an extreme, exaggerated angle, especially if you’re strolling slowly. You only cause yourself to be in the street longer, instead of getting your business done quickly, thus increasing the chances someone will snap and just run you over one day. Or are you purposefully being passive-aggressive? I’d rather that you make that clear by giving me the finger as you walk so that I know you’re just a jerk instead of having no survival instinct.

When you do not have the light in your favor, particularly when there is a left-turn lane feeding onto the street you are about to cross, do not cross the street. Wait for your light. You only snarl up traffic (because the light doesn’t last long for turning vehicles) and run the risk of being accidentally or perhaps one day not-so-accidentally being run over.

The same applies when there is heavy traffic on the main straight-ahead lanes and the light isn’t with you. Why are you going to make all those cars stop just so that you don’t have to wait 30 seconds? Are you off to go save a life or something? Quit it!

And please, for the love of God, especially when you ignore the previous advice and cross against the light or jaywalk at an angle, please look before you cross. Stop blindly walking off the curb without any glance in any direction assuming that cars will (or more accurate assuming that they can) stop in time.


A Guy Who Would Like Not to Run Over Anyone…Ever

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