I’m going to be honest with all of you: Deacon Blue was a stab at a marketing hook.

I am a deacon (though not currently in service as one), and the personality and views I’ve brought to this blog are all my own, but the creation of the Deacon Blue persona was something I had hoped might catch on a bit more. I mean, we have “Dear Abby” and “Miss Manners”…we have Dan Savage with his sex/relationship advice and books…we have Martha Stewart and Emeril Lagasse…you get the idea. These are real people but they are also overblown personae.

I figured, “Hey, I’m a writer. I can be witty and insightful (as long as I’m not trying to do it while talking). Why not create an approach that might catch some attention?”

How many snarky, nerdy, liberal, swearing deacons have you seen out there trying to engage with the masses?

Well, as you might guess from the lack of self-promoting of book deals or radio appearances…or even an alleged affair with Angelina Jolie or Salma Hayek (shit, I’d settle for being rumored to be connected with Kate Gosselin if it would get me a book deal)…well, I haven’t hit the big time. Or, really, even the small time.

I came out of the closet with my real name and face (though I still won’t come out of the closet with my kinky erotica-writing persona), and still, I haven’t gained any traction.

Not that it’s stopped me from keeping this blog around and being on Twitter and such.

But it is disheartening to see people like Snooki from “Jersey Shore” get book deals and big money to speak at universities just because they are willing to act a fool in public and on camera. Especially when your wife (that is, my wife) jokingly reminds you that you should tap into your inner white conqueror type and figure out how to be the guy who gets paid $22,000 a day sometimes for social media consulting or the person who gets a three-book deal out of their blogging.

Mind you, she was joking. Lightning can’t strike for everyone. But still, it makes me think: What do I have to do to get paid for the level of skill I bring to the table? And let there be no doubt: I may second-guess my writing sometimes and I may generally be humble, but I know I’m better than at least half the people out there with publishing deals. (Even if I don’t realize it until well after I’ve written whatever the hell it is that I needed to write for whatever purpose I wrote it for…paid or otherwise).

So, I think I’m going to start working on my book. Would like it to be a fiction novel, but that’s an even more fickle market than most. So here it is:

How to Succeed Through Masturbation

Or, Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last; We Slip Away from the Race Course to Slash the Tires of the Douchebags Who Run Fast

Publishers, start sending me your proposals about how much you want to pay me and how soon you need it done.